About --
Me, Myself and I : I think that if you are reading think you probably know me by now, but if not, then : My friend called me X, yeah, must be the left over from my X-Philes day, I think I still am, really. So, it's X. What I do for a living is not really important, just know that most of the time it's boring. My favorite things to do... I read, a lot, and I write, some. I watch a lot of movie (certain kind of movie) and a lot of anime, yes Japanese Anime. I got a collection of them and also what I tried to watch with fansub on week to week basis (which is a lot) and go out and get the ones I like when it actually licenced and out in my neck of the wood.
Movies and Tv Show, oh yeah, those are the 'must' for me. I watch at least 10 shows each week, so that's a lot of TV right there, as for movie I tried to see them (the ones I'm interested in, which is easy to say that it doesn't include comedy or romance in anyway).
Music : NIN, Staind, Taking Back Sunday, Chevelle, Disturbed, P.Roach, Mary Elizabeth McGlyn, Evanescence, Finch, I think you kinda get the idea.
Books : murder mysteries, fantasy, horror, sci-fi, slash blah blah blah....
Layout --
Poster Girls : Sarah Connor and Cameron Philips
Series : Terminator : The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Program : The always faithful Photoshop and Dreamweaver, because I can't code everything by hand, just don't have that kind of patient.
Previous Post --
Status: just chillin'
Listen: Something I Can Nev...
Status: something inside me is broken
Listen: not...
Status: well, what can I say
Listen: absolutely n...
Status: awake, finally
Listen: just me typing...
...
Status: packed
Listen: TV droning in the backgrou...
Status: ready for bed
Listen: nothing, just the f...
Status: awake..
Listen: nothing..
I made it to...
Status: can't really say...
Listen: Points of Aut...
Status: ear... don't quite feeling it now..
Liste...
You are a very conservative and introverted pers...
Archive --
January 2002
February 2002
March 2002
April 2002
May 2002
June 2002
July 2002
August 2002
September 2002
October 2002
November 2002
December 2002
January 2003
February 2003
March 2003
April 2003
May 2003
June 2003
July 2003
August 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
October 2005
November 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
January 2009
April 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
March 2010
/
August 12, 2002
Status: looking like crap...
Listen: nothing
Today had been one of the worst... emotionally. She had made a comment to me when I said that maybe I'll find someone that I like and her reply was you like me.. I said yes, what I meant was.. someone that I could actually be with..(not this polite, but I don't think I wanna say that here) and she said I'm about to make a comment, but you'll probably smack me for it. I said that I won't, just make it. She said and I quote 'Give it time.' Funny.... I kept telling myself that it won't happen, I should just forget about it, do what is best for me and her... be her friend and want nothing more. I can't stop the wanting, I can only control myself that I won't act on it, but I can't stop it, and it hurts. And she had just basically told me that it could happen. But today... we were suppose to be going to the museum.. and botanical garden.. the garden was out of the question because it was overcast and looked like it could be raining at any minute, but then she didn't feel like going to the museum either, I told her that if she didn't want to then we don't have to. We ended up going to the mall real quick.. She showed me the backpack that she wanted, and I hesitated. I
hesitated because I remembered her saying we are going to the other store and see if we could get it cheaper. So she sulked about it. She didn't say it, but I can tell. Then when I said we can go back and get it she said no.. we won't. I hesitated and she doesn't want backpack from me, she won't be asking me for anything again. This is weird, and I can't explain it. But
that had hurt. Then she called Andy to come take me to get some food because she didn't feel good and food is out of the question for her. I felt like she just threw me to someone else so she didn't have to deal with me. She explained to Andy why someone had to, because I won't eat if she doesn't, so someone has to eat with me. Fine, but I just couldn't... I was upset, I swore I won't cry in front of anyone, but it just came.. I got up and walked away, went into my room and close the door. She came in later, asking if I was mad at her, and I said no, if I was upset, I just nodded. So she said that she didn't want to unload things on me, that it wasn't my fault, but she really feel sick. I told her I can never do anything right by anyone. Then I walked out cause Andy was waiting. Took us about an hour, we came back.. got soup for her and the film that she wanted. Her mom was fussing about my lunch for tomorrow because no one will be home. I said it was all right, but she fussed anyway. I like her mom, she's nice. I was trying not to laugh while she fussed about the kitchen telling me what they have in the fridge and if I like anything. But when her mom looked away she looked at me and told me I did nothing wrong. Her mood swings have been pretty bad, the medications were suppose to help her with it. She is going through a lot of things and I'm trying not to take anything personally. I'm very sorry that I've let my control slip like that. Hoping it won't happen again.
X
1:37:00 AM
80126127
link
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
